“In March the earth remembers its own name.”
— Mary Oliver
For a solid week now, I’ve looked up at my calendar and gone: “wait, it’s still March?” I don’t know whether March is permanently cursed because of the pandemic association (two years, folks, give it up for two years) or whether it’s due to the academic hell that is junior year, but this month has been a travesty. The sole lovely thing about it is the beginning of spring, and even that has brought far too many sub-zero temperatures and unexpected snowfalls. These are the byproducts of living in Canada, a country where up is down, left is right, and accents only employed by comedians are considered abundant. I’m a poet, or at least I’m supposed to be. Tell me why I can’t unscramble this green month into something that makes my heart quiet.
There’s a certain tremor that comes with the second last year of high school, which is the dawning feeling that it isn’t going to last forever and the painful knowledge that you have to figure out what happens next. I feel like I was just in fourth grade, running across the pavement and crying over an unexpected fire drill. It isn’t real that my time in the educational system will be over before Russell T. Davies comes back to Doctor Who. (Side note: how awesome is that news? My Rose-loving heart is crowing with glee.) The point I’m trying to make here is that for almost eight years, I had a plan. An ever-changing plan, admittedly, but a plan regardless. I was going to be a geologist, a psychiatrist, a lawyer, a mathematician. I was not supposed to be indecisive this close to applications.
I had a lot of ideas about the way my life should have turned out. The unrealistically incredible grades, consistent mental health, chipper as the day come in and asleep as they wash out. I wanted to be someone whose pulse I can no longer find. I’m stuck with myself—the writer, the dreamer, flighty and a bit adrift. I’m never going to bring myself to do the degree that my parents want me to do. I’d make an awful engineer. I want to figure out the next chapter on my terms, which seems corny right up until the moment where you have to do it.
This is the third of my monthly wrap-up newsletters. My aim with this recurring section of nowhaunting is to describe and comment on the media I have engaged with during the month, give some personal updates on life and writing, then provide some thoughts on what lies ahead. Each month of the year feels precious and distinct to me, so the goal of this is to collate thoughts I would have had on my Tumblr into a cohesive article.
The books I read this month were an engaging, fantastic group. My favourite of the bunch was Ulysses by James Joyce, an enormous work of literature that deserves every scrap of the praise it accrues. Joyce’s use of language is tremendous, providing an epic slant to the story of one day. Life is rendered in its gritty, vulgar detail alongside great philosophical and literary questions. The importance of a single day takes on the importance of an entire life. It’s a brilliant, truly revolutionary classic, and I will revisit it time and time again. I read about fifteen books this month, which is the highest it’s been in a while. I’m quite proud of this, especially as I feel most of my reading was quite stimulating and productive.
This month I watched four films, which is an improvement on last month and nowhere near where I would like to be in terms of number of films. However, I deeply enjoyed the 1995 adaptation of Sense and Sensibility, which featured a stellar performance from Emma Thompson, a brilliant script, and a beautiful general aesthetic. Next month, I want to watch more period pieces and Old Hollywood films. This is going to be my niche for the next while. While films were sparse, I watched a lot of television. I began a rewatch of my favourite show, Community, and got through the first two seasons. I finished Gilmore Girls, and while seasons six and seven didn’t have the same spark the first five did as a whole, I still loved Lorelai and Rory. Bon Voyage is a beautifully sweet finale, and perhaps one of my favourite episodes of the series. I finished Dollface season two and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel season four; the latter of which was quite good and the former of which was mediocre. I also ended up finishing the first season of Seinfeld and thought it was pretty bad.
Now, for music. In 2022 I’ve been keeping a good pace of five albums per month. I gave For Emma, Forever Ago another chance after disliking it a couple months ago, and found it to be quite enjoyable. Next, I rounded out my listening of Fiona Apple’s discography, and intend to make a playlist with my favourite songs of hers. (I’ve been looping Paper Bag and Hot Knife.) Her music is incredible. I have quite enjoyed my first listens and intend to keep playing her discography. I also took a look at that Kate Bush song about running up the hill, and have finally seen what all the fuss is about. You can listen to my March playlist here.
I have no idea why anyone reads these newsletters, if I’m perfectly honest with you. I wonder if anyone actually reaches this point, or whether you’ve been put off by my ridiculous writing. The news from March is that I read only Frankenstein off last month’s list (even that I finished in the last days of February), had to take a mental health day off school, did not post my regular issues of nowhaunting last week… but I did study more! There was a slight improvement in my commitment to my academics, and ten percent jumps on my second tests in math and chemistry (as compared to my first ones) is proof that there’s something good about what I’m doing. I got out of bed this morning and I wanted to keep being in the world, keep seeing what it has to offer, keep keep keep. Spring has arrived and that’s lovely, you know. That’s not insignificant.
In the next month, I want to approach Substack from a different angle. I believe there’s value in consistent writing and I have a lot of thoughts I want to share in this format, but the way I’ve been treating my weekly newsletters has made me burn out. While I still want to aim to have a post up each week, I’m going to rethink the way I do this and I’m curious what you would like to see from this newsletter. Please let me know, as I’m excited to start recalibrating the content of this little corner of the internet. I hope March was kind to all of you, and I send my best wishes for the month that lies ahead.